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Kereta Takdir

Kereta takdir menjemput aku yang terserang lelah akut.

Tiba-tiba aku ada di penghujung tahun. Aku harus menutup segera apa yang disebut rutinitas. Aku harus rehat untuk memulai kembali. Mungkin semesta ingin aku rebah sejenak. Tak tahu dibawa kemana oleh Sang Masinis. Aku tak ingin membakar harap, aku takut terbakar.

Aku sudah pernah tertatih menempuh garis hidup, meregang pada kerasnya terpaan badai, hampir usai tertelan gelap. Tapi lagi-lagi aku mencapai titik terangku sendiri sembari menopang tubuhku sendiri.

Aku belum renta, aku masih lah sebuah kuncup yang hampir mekar. Tapi di pundakku diletakkan banyak harapan orang-orang yang menopangku selama ini. Aku harus bisa menopang mereka kelak, karena aku adalah tumpuan harap mereka.

Aku tak tahu harus mempersiapkan gelak tawa atau tangis di depan. Karena di masa perehatan ini semuanya serba kelabu, semuanya serba misterius. Jadi aku menanti saja, sambil menikmati bekal bekas kemarin.

Aku baru terbentur sedikit pun belum penuh terbentuk. Mungkin di masa yang akan datang, jika aku diizinkan melihatnya, aku musti terbentur keras.

Di kereta takdir ini, sebenarnya banyak aroma intensi menyeruak, tapi aku lebih memilih menghirup parfumku yang berona lelah. Aku masih mencerna sembari merenungi dulu kisah-kisah yang baru saja ataupun telah lampau ku alami. 

Kereta takdir melaju lamban, aku pasrah ditawan waktu. Kereta takdir membawaku ke aroma rindu, aroma yang aku hindari karena tak ingin didekap pilu terlalu lama. 

Lalu aku terpaksa menghirup rindu itu, rindu yang menyiratkan pilu, pilu yang mendatangkan hujan di langit kelabu.

Benakku berserakan di segala penjuru kereta ini. Aku kelimpungan sendiri memperbaiki diri. Segala memori temu dan pisah terputar bagai kaset film.

Aku lalu bertanya lagi pada diriku. Diriku yang dulu melempar sumpah serapah pada rutinitas yang menjenuhkan ini. Diriku yang ingin sekali membuang jauh hari-hari ketika aku harus bersentuhan dengan segala macam kesatuan dari rutinitas. Bukankah ini yang aku inginkan dulu? 

Memberhentikan rutinitas ternyata sama saja seperti menghilangkan seperdelapan bagian jantungmu. Ada seperdelapan degup yang tertinggal di tempat yang kemarin ku jajaki.

Kepada semesta, mari bekerja sama. Aku ingin terbentuk lagi dan lagi

Kepada si waktu, semoga kamu membawakanku madu

-Di Kereta takdir menuju perjalanan menuju stasiun entah


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