Two Weeks Since We Break: From Vinka’s Pov

Oct 9

I’m beginning to believe that I'm crazy, unworthy of love, and scary. Like an unwanted fetus, what should I expect? I don't belong in this world.

Thank you for the lessons. You made me feel alive for at least 6 and a half years, you added colors to my life, you were my oxygen.

Sometimes I still cry. I'm sorry.

Oct 10

Still, everything reminds me of you, in both my busy hours and free time. All my friends convince me that it's all your fault. But all I want is to bring you back.

Will you come back?

Oct 11

My friend told me that I'm different now, my eyes look sad and miserable.

I feel you getting closer to her, and here I am, getting sadder.

My friends tell me I should focus on myself and be happy. But all I want to do is reach you, be in your arms.

Oct 12

This is the girl you left and called crazy. She's still trying to figure out what happened and gather all her confidence.

By the way, I went to the places we used to go. Everything reminds me of you. I can hear your voice and laughter echoing there. The ambiance is still the same as when I was with you.

I saw a family that wanted to go to the stadium, and I imagined that one day maybe we would be like that. You'd take our kids to watch football. You and they have the same favorite hobbies.

I really want to tell you about today, but I keep my mouth shut because I know nothing can bring you back, except if you want to.

I still have hope that someday we can be together. I love you still; I always will.

P.S.: I just found out we were so close today.

Oct 13

I just woke up, and I don't know why, but I feel a deep emptiness. The wound is getting worse, day by day I long for you.

Here I am, in the places we used to go, in the chairs we used to sit in. I feel your scent here. I see your face in everyone. I still miss you.

Still, everything reminds me of you.

Find me soon; I'm dying, Cit.

Oct 14

You should know that you are still the only one who crosses my mind, even though I am with someone else. Do you feel the same way?

I pray every day that I can stop this feeling and pain, but I can't. I'm sorry I still love you, I still have hope.

But if you want me to stop chasing you and you don't love me anymore, maybe I'll extinguish my hope. I'll turn to a new page without you. I'll accept your decision with an open heart.

Oct 15

It's been two weeks, Cit. How are you? I'm not fine at all. But you don't care, do you?

I guess your silence means you want me to stop hoping you'll come back and stop loving you.

But don't worry, this is the last time. I don't want to bother you with my texts, my writing, and everything.

In a parallel universe, maybe we'd be lying down on the soft pasture of rolling hills, with the cool breeze carrying the earthy fragrance. You'd be there, counting the stars under the night sky.

But in this universe, we walk different paths.

Good luck on your journey; I'm no longer your home, and maybe never will be. I can't make someone love me if they don't want to. Just like the seasons, I can't stop the way people change.

Your silence hurts me so much, and I realize it's your way of removing me from your life.

So, this is my last goodbye. I'll let you live your life, set you free, and stop hoping for you to come back because you don't want to.

I'll try my best to stop loving you from now on. Thank you for the two weeks of silence. I'm sorry for damaging your reputation and image. I never regret what I said to her or what I shared because that's how I finally told you my feelings.

I'm trying to erase my feelings for you; don't worry. Maybe you were right; I'm crazy and scary.

Are you happy now without me, Deni Winarta?

-VIC