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Pesimistic

pes·si·mis·tic
/ˌpesəˈmistik/

(a) tending to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.

Source: Oxford Dictionary

Saat masih kecil, aku adalah orang yang sangat optimis. Aku banyak mengikuti perlombaan, mengikuti kegiatan-kegiatan sosial. Aku tumbuh jadi anak yang optimis dan ceria, bahkan tak tanggung-tanggung aku dulu pernah punya cita-cita jadi astronom dan bekerja di NASA suatu hari. Dulu, aku percaya kalau semua cita-cita aku bisa terwujud. 

Semakin dewasa, aku semakin dibenturkan dengan segala hal yang realistis. Aku semakin sadar kalau tidak semua hal yang kita harapkan di dunia ini akan terwujud,ketika pada kenyataannya, aku gabisa jadi astronom apalagi jadi observer di NASA. Aku banyak bertemu kecewa belakangan ini. Belakangan aku sadar, kalau kecewa itu hal yang aku ciptakan sendiri, karena aku sudah terlanjur berekspektasi terlalu tinggi, menggantung harapan lebih dulu dan naif dengan tidak memikirkan konsekuensi terburuk. Saat ekspektasi ternyata tidak sebanding sama realita baru lah si kecewa ini lahir.

Dari banyak nya kecewa yang lahir di dalam diriku, aku cenderung jadi pribadi yang pesimis. Aku sekarang menolak untuk berharap lebih. Bahkan terkadang di sebagian kondisi aku mengutuk keberhasilan akan berpihak kepadaku. Aku yang dewasa ini mengalami penurunan optimisme, karena rasanya jika bercermin kepada masa lampau ketika aku kecil, aku melihat sosok yang beda dengan aku yang udah dewasa sekarang.

Terkadang pesimis itu baik sih, meminimalisir rasa kecewa. Ya, kadang akibat pesimis duluan, ketika harapan itu ga jadi kenyataan, aku ga terlalu nyesek. Tapi di sisi lain, aku bisa jadi overthinking, anxiety berlebihan dan penurunan kepercayaan diri. Pesimis berlebihan bikin aku jadi sangat insecure sekarang ini. Aku kadang tidak bisa melihat sisi baik dari diri sendiri, kadang pun merasa kalau diri aku ini selalu kurang.

Mungkin ya, pesimis ada bagusnya juga ada buruknya. Ketika kamu punya mimpi, kamu harus punya kemampuan untuk menyeimbangkan optimisme dan pesimisme kamu. Optimis baik, tapi kamu jangan lupa kalau kita semua ini cuma manusia yang bisa berharap. Harus bisa membayangkan juga kalau hal buruk pasti terjadi, bagusnya sih membuat plan tambahan terhadap perkiraan-perkiraan buruk tersebut. Pokoknya gitu deh!

-Tertanda aku, yang juga masih ga bisa (proses belajar) nyeimbaingin optimistic dan pesimistic, dan cenderung banyakan pesimisticnya-

-LOSER

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